This post is difficult for me to put together here. I'm not one to talk about my personal life often. It's not because I'm a private person... I really don't mind if people know the twisted inner workings of my mind. It's that I don't think people actually care about the twisted inner workings of my mind.
However, this topic seems to be quite a common one, and with the encouragement of my awesome blogging symbiont, Jen, I decided to talk about it here on ESM.
My Creative Abyss
Ever since Christmas came and went, there has been this black hole of creativity in my imagination. Ideas go in it, but nothing ever comes out. I've sat in front of the TV with my iPad for weeks browsing Pinterest for inspiration, but instead have only found frustration. "How can all these people have such brilliant ideas ALL THE TIME??" I swear, there are some bloggers that I think have some divine creative connection to some crafting angel that always has the perfect ideas for the perfect occasion. And I'm all over here like... "Oh, here's some new surface I have yet to spray paint and color with a sharpie." So original, I am.
Then I started avoiding Pinterest. The places I normally would go for inspiration became sources of anxiety for me. I closed the door to my studio and only opened it when I decided to use it as storage. Right now, there's a box of stuff from RueLaLa, a Shoemint box, bags of yarn, some unframed prints, a bunch of binders and training materials from work and a hundred other miscellaneous items lying on the floor of my studio. With not a craft in sight. Only 6 months into starting ESM, and already I've depleted my creative source, whatever it may have been.
Last week, I got the stomach flu. I spent the day on my couch watching reruns of Vanderpump Rules. That's when I hit bottom. I actually started crying, alone, in my pajamas, on my couch with my dog, because I couldn't find one creative spark in my mind. That night I realized that this is why I always avoided pursuing a creative career.. I've always feared this happening, falling headfirst into a creative abyss, and never being able to crawl my way out.
A friend sent me an article last week that you can read here. And of course, I'm sure most of you have read Vintage Revival's post about blog puberty. Both of these writings helped me tremendously... they both made me realize that 1.) I'm not not talented, 2.) Every creative goes through this at some point and 3.) I put way too much pressure on myself to produce tutorials. Not every post has to be a tutorial.
So I decided I have to push my way through this. Fortunately for me, I am so blessed to have such a supportive blogging partner. I was afraid for a while to tell her I was feeling this way. I didn't want her to regret getting into this with me, but I finally swallowed my pride and spilled my beans. What I was met with instead of hostility was understanding and compassion.
Now, my question for all of you is... have you ever fallen into a creative abyss and what have you done to crawl out of it? You guys are all part of this blog, too, so I'd love to know how you all handle stuff like this. It seriously is the worst.
So that's a peek into my creative emotional status. It's amazing how when my creativity is paused, it affects so many other aspects of who I am. Creating things really is the epicenter of my being. I feel like I've stalled out and need a jump start.
Sorry for the debbie downer of a post today, but I felt I owed you all an explanation. Jen has been encouraging me to share more of my personal life/thoughts on ESM. I thought this was a good start. I promise I will be getting back on track soon!! You all definitely make doing this worthwhile. You all make me want to try.. so THANK YOU for that.